Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
