Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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