I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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