so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
