sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
