Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
