There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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