you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
