How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
