Im at strip club and am horny
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
