She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
