I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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