So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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