literally had 100 drinks last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
