Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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