I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
