umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
