She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
