sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
