Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
