apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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