I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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