I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
