How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
