I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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