I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
