There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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