I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sext me about skeletons
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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