you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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