shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
