I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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