1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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