i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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