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I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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