I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
