Betty ford says i'm here all night
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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