Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
P.S. I can't hear my feet
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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