it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
