nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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