The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
