I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
