Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
