I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
