He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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