I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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