When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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