Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
