the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
