We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
