Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
