Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
