So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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