If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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