Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm really into asian looking animals
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
