but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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