he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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