I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
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my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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