matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
false alarm. still invincible.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
