please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sext me about skeletons
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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