I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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