Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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