i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This is my gift to your gina
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
