I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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