Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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