Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Nicole vs. Life
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
