His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
