she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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