I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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