i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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