Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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