Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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